A Kill Machine

I still sit below the Oak, in the winter evenings.
The faint glows of the church, warming my bones.
And slowly the numb finger soothes the old scratching.
You, me and the heart in between, and those tiny stars above
Echoes of the bells, and the dusk still settles on time.

Staring through the rising smoke, the sun died with a splash
Faceless men in woolen coats, their shadows blend in dark
I still sit all the same, with cold cling to my skin.
And remember you hair flying in the early old December wind.

Plunging curves of the dirt road, still rings of your laughs.
The gravels there somewhere, and the stories which they hold
I still remember the sunshine falling on my face. Whispering,
You walk to me, dressed in my shirt with last night coffee stains.

Headlight of a passing van, the metal glints off my gun
Back to reality, I swirl on the dead leaves, senses so aware.
My dirty beard and roughed up boots,
I walk to the present darkness
Every evening below the Oaks, you’re gone, I realize.

Little did I realize, being here has always been a mission,
Working for the country, a nonexistent vigilante I am.
Guns and blades, death right on my face.
They never made me stronger
Less a soul. A kill machine, since the night you betrayed.

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Drown the pain, in a still greater pain

Feet stomping. Hey can you listen them on roll?
Their New Year Call. Electronics emerging, surging.
The laser falling on their tees, and submerging.
Wait yeah, I am installing happiness in me.
Look, its failing miserably. Let me stand here, or disappear.
Go walk to the party, nah let them not jeer.
Hear, the music, stilettos and those hot chicks.
Glass clinking, blinking. All drinking and sinking
Listen, drink one for me, and keep laughing.
Dance like forever and I’ll keep watching.

Those flashes don’t blind me anymore. I ignore,
The DJ, and the crowd roar. I keep staring away.
Stray, I want to cry loud, blow myself inside out.
But shit, that’s not how these emotions are employed.
The codes of a loner, the ethics of the destroyed.
Hallucinating in every possible pain, so insane.
My feathers so burnt, ashes falling on my smoking flesh.
So fresh. I desire to die, hold on to my own death and cry.

How can you laugh at me, what makes me look so funny.
Honey, I’m not gonna lie, I failed and I don’t deny.
Or beg you to stay, go away. Look at those party lights.
Their glory, their brights and exotic drizzling heights.
Fly as you ever did, while blood in me drains, and rains.
Stains, till my worth fades, and my existence looks a scar.
Capture me while i laugh like something gone very wrong,
While I step on the edge, and rush down like a shooting star.

I am full of anger, and I am not pretending. Intending,
To walk off forever, wherever. With a knife in the soul,
Begging console. I’ve lost all my mind, I’m lost in the time.
I stare at the void of brilliant depression. Till I collide.
And burst into flames of dazzling sun and a millions of blames.
I dig up the earth and bury my name. And drown all my pain,
In a still greater pain……….

Terrified Emotions

Posted: August 16, 2016 in emotions
Tags: , , ,

Terrified Emotions

I look at me so terrified,
Trembling yet so justified.
In a moment when I thought you cried.
Doesn’t matter that I held up and tried.
I knew I was on losing ground,
And I knew I was just loosing mind.

And when you left me with just a wink
The thousand Suns did burn in me.
Annihilating me into million pieces,
Of ignorant anonymous as I ever was.
The amorphous me, now flies among the smoke.

Despise of living through such hard beginnings,
It turns out that I was just another no one.
A clown which made you laugh out of nothing.
But you didn’t realize the clowns have pain too.
But now the clown has run out of his mascara.
And down he walks in a street which goes nowhere.

Just when I realized that I was re-building
This collapse is pulling everything inside me.
Tiny specks of happiness flashes before the eyes
Before getting sucked in the gravity of this damage.
This uniformity of chaos in me feels so strange.
It’s so real that I can almost touch it.

I know you’re looking,
For a rhythm in the verses.
But hey I’ve lost my rhymes,
And the manner of my lines.
I am just left with this broken face,
With some frozen emotions.
And a road to travel all alone,
And it starts right here.

Remember I told you, I’ve been left,
With some pretty big shoes, to fill in.
I’m still gonna wear them and pretend,
That my toes have become a bit bigger.
And walk those thousand lonely miles
Where the horizons blends into the unknown.
I will walk myself there and disappear.